Well, well, well. Just when you thought the market was having a boring week, Thursday decided to throw us a curveball wrapped in tariffs, sprinkled with TikTok drama, and topped off with some good old-fashioned oil chaos.
The Setup: When Good News Becomes Bad News
So here’s the thing that makes zero sense but totally makes sense if you’ve been watching markets long enough: The economy is actually doing great. Like, really great. The GDP got revised up to 3.8% growth (originally thought to be 3%), and jobless claims dropped. You’d think Wall Street would be throwing a party, right?
Wrong. Instead, stocks have been sulking for three straight days because—and I cannot stress this enough—good economic news now equals bad news for stocks. Why? Because when the economy is strong, the Fed doesn’t need to cut interest rates as aggressively. It’s like being upset that you’re too healthy to get sympathy cookies from your mom.
Trump’s Tariff Bonanza
But wait, there’s more! President Trump decided to spice things up with a fresh batch of tariffs that would make a trade war veteran blush:
- 100% tariffs on pharmaceuticals (unless companies build factories here—basically economic hostage negotiation)
- 25% on heavy-duty trucks (because apparently we’re making trucks great again)
- 50% on kitchen cabinets and 30% on furniture (your IKEA addiction just got expensive)
The result? PACCAR (the truck people) jumped 5.5%, and Eli Lilly got a nice 1.8% bump. Meanwhile, companies that rely on imports are probably stress-eating in boardrooms across America.
Oil Gets Spicy
Over in the oil world, Ukraine decided to remind everyone they’re still very much at war by successfully targeting Russian oil infrastructure. When drones start hitting refineries and export terminals, oil prices tend to get jumpy—and they did, potentially marking the biggest weekly gain in three months.
It’s like a real-world game of Risk, except the consequences affect your gas bill.
TikTok: The $14 Billion Plot Twist
In perhaps the most “2025” news possible, Trump signed an executive order approving ByteDance spinning off TikTok’s U.S. operations for $14 billion. The details are about as clear as a TikTok algorithm explanation, and Beijing still needs to sign off, but hey—at least millions of Americans can stop panicking about losing their dance video fix.
The AI Elephant in the Room
Here’s where things get interesting (and slightly terrifying). There’s growing chatter about whether the AI boom is sustainable or if we’re all just watching companies play financial hot potato. Nvidia makes deals with OpenAI, who then expands with CoreWeave, who then makes deals back with Nvidia. It’s like a very expensive game of musical chairs where everyone’s hoping the music doesn’t stop.
Bottom Line
The market is basically a teenager right now—moody, unpredictable, and somehow upset about good things happening. Between tariff roulette, geopolitical oil drama, and the ongoing “is AI actually magic or just expensive math?” debate, buckle up. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but at least it won’t be boring.